No Turning Back Now
by SoldLotus
Summary: TRIGGER WARNING! CHARACTER DEATH, SELF HARM/MUTILATION, SUICIDE/Frisk couldn't deal with all the memories, he couldn't deal with Flowey's constant reminder, he couldn't deal with Sans' wary gaze, but most of all, he couldn't deal with being forgiven.


"I guess that means we never really were friends, huh?"

"Heh.. Don't tell that to the other Sanses, ok?"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Frisk blinked his eyes awake with a sharp intake of air. Same fucking dream as always.

He sat up, ignoring how his bones cracking had eerily resembled the sound of an old, worn out set of box springs, and wiped his eyes clear of the salty tears that silently continued to flow out.

He knows that the monsters have realized that he is not well, and Toriel begs him to confide in her or at least see a doctor, but none of that really mattered to him.

All he can think of when he lays eyes on any monster at all, is how intoxicated he was smothered in their blood and dust as he chased them and played games with their minds, and worst of all, how he enjoyed every little second.

There was a timid knock at his door followed by a sad, yet hopeful, voice. "..Frisk? Breakfast is ready whenever you are.."

When he didn't respond, there was a hint of a sob as the goat mother hurriedly returned downstairs to the kitchen.

"How can you live with them and not kill them again? It'll make you feel better, I promise." Frisk's eyes widened at the girl's voice that resonated in his head and snapped his vision towards an illusory girl wearing a green striped sweater.

"Chara.." The other human soul smiled with feigned innocence and did a little curtsy.

"The one and only!" She giggled before closing in on him with a frown. "But Frisk, my dear, what's happened to you?"

Frisk stared at her as his expression twisted back into its normal deadpan as she brought up the subject. He knew that Chara knew everything he did, and that she always seemed to make all his wishes come true, though they were never in the way he'd hope.

He'd wished for freedom and was given it plenty of times, but each time someone different had died for it. He'd wished that they all be freed together, but as soon as the wish was fulfilled, she continued to free them all from the earth. He'd wished that they would recognize him upon reset, and boy did they fear and hate him. He'd wished to start fresh with his friends.. his family, but he literally started from when he first fell in. He'd wished for happiness, and was given a thirst for blood. He'd wished to be remembered, but Flowey only supported his depression and Sans kept his left eye socket on him at all times to ensure everyone's safety.

He looked up to the demonic human. Maybe just one more wish.. he didn't care how she did it as long as it was fulfilled. He couldn't deal with all the memories, he couldn't deal with Flowey's constant reminder, he couldn't deal with Sans' wary gaze, but most of all, he couldn't deal living everyday with an exceptionally happy bunch who'll never ask why he cried with every hug, every smile, every kind word, every action of affection, of forgiveness.. he couldn't deal with being forgiven.

"I just.. I want it all to end.."

"Who are ya talking to there, kiddo? If it was me, you'd have to speak louder cause I don't exactly have good ears." A certain skeleton spoke up chuckling at his own joke before his grin turned tight when Frisk looked at him with puffy red eyes, crazed hair, and an expressionless expression sat upon his face.

Frisk turned his head to look at where Chara had previously been, only to be greeted with the familiar scene of his room.

"You don't look too great, are ya havin a bad time, kid?"

The human visibly flinched at the word choice the shorter used as he sat beside him. That phrase was uttered many times after he killed Papyrus and the many tries before he could actually beat Sans himself.

Frisk let out a low broken chuckle of how ironic that the comic said that in such a different situation. "I know you told me not to tell you, but I guess you'd already know, huh?"

Sans seemed to ponder on what was said. It was definitely vague and could mean anything from "oh, I killed everyone in the Underworld" to "I'm getting you a new jacket for Christmas."

Upon seeing the confusion, Frisk continued his earlier thought. "I came back.. you shouldn't be here in a failed attempt at comforting when we were never really friends to start off."

Sans seemed to slowly register the words into his non-existent mind as his pin prick pupils slowly faded into the dark abyss of his eye sockets.

"Besides, I don't want to deal with whatever complaint you have to give me today.. I have a lot of my own problems-" Frisk gave out a shaky sigh as his voice was still laced with sorrow and frustration.

"Your own problems? Sorry, but I have a huge bone to pick with you, kid." Sans said in his serious Sans-Serif font as his dark gaze set on the human. "Tori, King Flulffybuns, Pap, and the rest are all out there worrying their asses off about you, and you're up here feeling sorry for yourself? It doesn't matter whether you believe we were friends or not, I'm here for their sake, and whether I like it or not, they actually care for you in this timeline."

Frisk ended Sans lecture there with a snort that had escaped him, much to Sans' chagrin.

The skeleton felt his skull flush with magic as the single sound had infuriated him to no end, of course, until the human started speaking.

"How stupid of me.. to believe that you'd understand how I felt.. of course you wouldn't. Not you, not Flowey, nobody but Chara would ever understand.." More liquid fell down his face as he looked at his hands with a small hint of terror, but it only lasted a split second before it returned back to its zen-like state.

"You know.." Sans started off as he turned to exit the room as his eyes seemed to stay left out and his smile forced. "This might sound strange, but before the whole psychopathic murderings happened, I really hoped-"

"-that we could be friends, right?" Frisk slumped over to rest his elbows on his knees and face in his palms after throwing his legs off the side of the bed. "You said the same thing.. right before I killed you.."

Frisk's sobs were just barely heard as they boy tried his best to keep it concealed, to not show any weakness. "I.. I'm actually glad that both you and Flowey remember the other timelines.. I at least get some of the punishment I deserve.." He motioned to the potted plant that seemed to be asleep on his desk, basking in the sunlight that Frisk made sure landed solely on that one spot.

The skeleton's eye gave a single pulse of blue light. The kid made it sound like it was personally him in each timeline, but that was impossible seeing as only one of them could exist in each.

"Hey.. I might be cautious of you, but saying that it was you killing everyone would be a lie. It's impossible-"

"-to have two of an individual in each timeline?" This time, the interruption genuinely surprised the other, making the monster falter. "I know everything I would ever need to know about timelines. The only reason I can save and reset Is because I don't exist in any other timeline. I'm just like Ga-.." He cut himself off as he got tight-lipped.

There was a thick atmosphere between the two at the almost mentioning of the ex royal scientist, which caused an abnormal length in uncomfortable silence.

"..you should leave." Frisk said pushing the skeleton through the door without any objections from the one being pushed.

There was a click behind the monster, indicating the door being locked.

Just as Sans was leaving, he heard a barely audible sentence from the other side of the door. "Don't worry.. I'll stop worrying everybody soon enough."

The sentence gave him an eerie feeling as it sent cold shivers down his spine, but he soon walked away from the door hoping the problem would solve itself.

Frisk reached into his drawer to bring out a rusted old knife that he was way too familiar with. The knife that he had used to bring down every last monster that existed, as well as several humans and anything that had gotten in his sight before the automatic reset.

He gave a few experimental swipes on his arms and sides and shivered at the harsh stings that met with each slice.

"This is a nice sight to wake up to." The flower gave a feral grin as it looked down upon the bleeding teen. "What's gotten you so blood thirsty today?"

Frisk frowned as Chara also decided to listen in on the conversation. "Flowey, I'll need you to erase everyone's memory of me when I'm gone."

The flower, along with Chara, frowned. Frisk found it amusing how similar the two bestfriends were despite always killing each other.

"Gone? Where are you going?"

"Yes, please enlighten us." Chara added in even though Flowey couldn't hear the girl's voice.

"I'm ending it all.. I'm only causing problems for everyone, and I no longer have a purpose. It's time-"

"So you're resetting everything?"

Frisk motioned to himself and held up the knife. "No more resets. Everyone will have their happy ending, even you will after this, Flowey."

Frisk looked pleadingly to Chara as if begging her to let Flowey erase everyone's, along with his own, memories and live a happy ending. After a while, she gave a small smirk and nodded, ending with Frisk's sigh of relief.

"This is goodbye." With that, Frisk's breaths only became faster and faster past the point of hyperventilating when a hand crushed his throat and the knife was abruptly inserted deep into him.

His eyes widened as he spat up some blood that rushed up His throat. Looking up, he met an eyeless Chara who leaked black fluids, just like when Frisk first decided to kill everyone.

"I'll let you feel what they felt, then they could feel what you felt. I always heard that bonding is better with shared experiences." Chara giggled cheerfully with a wicked grin plastered evilly upon her face.

Chara cut a deep gash across his chest, imitating what he had given Sans many of times. An injury inflicted upon him mimicking ones he's given anyone else, till finally a slice to the neck, Papyrus' death.

Frisk's vision faded as he felt something inside him break. He knew exactly what each strike was and who's pain he felt with each blow, but despite the excruciating pain, despite his crushed vocal cords, despite not being able to scream (not like anybody would come anyways), he knew he deserved this. He gave a small smile as he also knew Chara would betray him once again like this, but this was why she was the only person to understand fully.

Frisk felt really light-headed. He couldn't survive much longer. 'I.. need to sleep..' his body slumped forward, eyes full of regret and smile full of sorrow as his soul hovered around with barely any existence, barely any determination.

Flowey stared, completely petrified at what had happened before his eyes when he suddenly felt something fill him with anger, frustration, confusion, and a small hint of sorrow and regret. He knew this feeling all too well. "Chara.."

"You know, I kinda actually liked Frisk." She growled in his head.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The body wasn't discovered until the next day when Sans did his daily transportation check up.

"Hey kid, I thought you said-" As soon as his magic had cleared the area, his eyes landed on the body that was mutilated. His eye sockets went dark as he fell to his knees and little seat droplets began forming on his skull. "What.. no.. why.."

"Oh, good morning, bone head." A certain flower greeted, though it's eyes seemed to grow red.

Without a second thought, blue magic surrounded the flower as he tossed it with ease at the nearest wall. "You did this to him?!" He growled as a single tear broke way through him. The skeleton shook as many emotions filled him.

The flower laughed bitterly as he positioned himself to be upright despite the broken pot. "No, you all did this to him."

Sans whipped his head to Flowey and encircled him in magic again. "Shut up, don't feed me with your lies!"

It was then that the flower planted itself into the ground, roots digging into the floor with a fierce red that seemed to pulse from the flower's eyes.

This caused Sans to take a step back, his flaring eye faltering ever so slightly. He was having another sense of dejavu, but this one brought back memories of being killed over and over from the human boy.

"..no.. you're the one.." Flowey smirked as he realized that the skeleton recognized the feeling.

"That's right. I was part of Frisk. We shared the same thoughts, feelings, and body, only he wanted everyone to be saved despite the pain he felt, and I wanted to kill you all for your ignorance."

The skeleton dropped once again, right in front of the flower, who moved closer to his face and hissed. "He wants me to erase everyone's memory of him so that none of them would feel remorse or the pain that he felt, so I'll be doing that now since I said I would." Flowey frowned before locking his hateful gaze on the monster in slippers. "You know, he actually favored you above the rest of the monsters. You're words hurt him most over everyone."

This had the crying skeleton look up only to be met with a white light.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Sans woke up with another sense of dejavu. He hasn't had one ever since Asgore killed the last human and freed them all.

He gets up and trudges sluggishly to the back of their house and unlocked his lab like shed, but upon unlocking it, he'd been met with many chilling memories as there was a single photo posted of a dead human with the words written under it in what was assumed to be blood.

"You killed him."

/\/\/\/\/\

I do NOT condone the uses of self harm/mutilation or suicide

if anyone is facing depression or suicidal thoughts, please find help.

Child Help USA National Child Abuse Hotline: (800) 422-4453

Alcohol and Drug Helpline: (800) 821-4357

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: (800) 273-TALK (8255)


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